What’s my purpose? Who am I? What is the meaning of my existence?
Weighty questions many of us struggle to answer. The very idea of not being able to find our purpose has propelled many into further feelings of despair and unworthiness. With so much being broadcast with respect to this subject, it is easy to understand how it might create angst in so many.
Look, I’m no stranger to this path. Losing my fourteen year old son, Noah, to cancer in 2014 propelled me into a deep abyss of despair. Emotions of hopelessness, sorrow and overwhelming grief threatened to suffocate me in their cloying perfume of decay. They wafted around me in that dark hole of despair, the only tangible reference point I could find. Life lacked meaning and purpose.
There’s that word again.
The other day, I was listening to a video and something was said that arrested my attention, stopped me in my tracks (this is what I heard):
Purpose can be a tricky thing. The difficulty in searching for purpose is that people often unconsciously use it to avoid feelings of hopelessness and despair. We need to sit with hopelessness and try not to springboard away from that feeling by masking it with a sense of purpose.
It was suggested that this act of feverishly running to do something, anything - all under the guise of finding purpose - is really just another way of avoiding the act of being present with our pain. In fact, the first step in finding purpose begins with facing our pain and accepting who we truly are! Oh, the ironies of life.
These words echoed with truth and triggered an epiphany of understanding, “Ohhhhh, yes that’s it!” They resonated deeply inside my pieced together heart. It was a lesson I have learned in the last few years.
In that black pit of grief, I had sat with my roiling emotions and suppressed feelings of anger, fear and blame. “Why did my child die?” In the courtroom of my mind, I found myself guilty of the most heinous crime I could ever imagine: not being able to save my child from a cruel, traumatizing death.
But a funny thing happened in that barren space, as I faced the demons of my past and the nightmare specter of a future without my son. I surrendered to the pain only to discover that after the surrender came release. In allowing my feelings to surface, and examining them with honesty and non-judgement, the weight of the trauma lifted for a period. As I continued with this difficult inner work, these intervals became longer over time and filled with interesting discoveries.
Deep in my heart, there was one desire above all else: to connect with my son to ensure he was safe. My focus was so intense and my belief so all consuming that it manifested the answer to me in the most unusual ways: cloud messages of feathers, hearts and faces, orbs and other astounding synchronicities.
As miraculous messages arrived to assure my lonely heart that Noah was indeed safe and flying free, I found a compassion for my own suffering which allowed me to release many feelings of failure and judgment. You see, it was clear that Noah was sending unconditional love and there was no discrimination from spirit or the divine source. We are all loved unconditionally.
Here's an example of the images in clouds that I began to find in my photos; this one symbolizes the unbreakable bond between mother and child. Can you see it?
The next step was learning to love myself unconditionally and value my own unique essence - now for most of us that’s a tricky process - but oh, so worth it! As we sit quietly with ourselves and sift through the layers upon layers of conditioning, trauma and mental/emotional patterns which block and prevent us from moving forward, we eventually come to a pure space.
And we learn to discard the many masks we have worn to please others. It is my belief that this is our primary purpose - learning to love ourselves. When we enter that space it is much easier to be loving, accepting and compassionate to others who show up in our lives. In this place of self-acceptance we find liberation, free to pursue our true passion without fear of what others may think. But it is a continual process.
This is the sweet spot, when others begin to notice and wonder, “How did he/she do that? How can I get some of that too!” From the outside looking in, the transformation may appear to have been easy, but in my experience, it has been hard won and ever evolving. It requires us to stop running, face our fears, sit with them and release ourselves from marinating in their stinky juices.
The reward is liberation…and purpose. Yes, I said it. It is possible. But it is our intention and focus to step beyond illusion and attachment that is required for permanent change. Illusion collapses around us like a house of glass as every untruth we examine is shattered, revealing the golden nugget of wisdom hidden within.
We move beyond blocks, feelings of being stuck and patterns which no longer serve our highest and greatest good. We are always in control of all aspects of our journey to self discovery, that is our free will and choice. The process evolves over time as we commit to our own self healing and nurture ourselves with kindness, releasing judgment. It takes time to heal, we must accept and honor the process and know that is always happening in a way that is best for each of our unique, individual souls.
And here is one last secret: although the process is never ending, as we get closer to our higher selves (yes, you heard that right, never ending), the journey is more incredible than anything we could ever imagine. Where that glass house once stood are now open vistas of unexplored possibilities; our unicorn grazes in the distant pasture just waiting for us to discover magical lands (I can feel my teenager cringing that I mentioned the “U” word, but I don’t care!)
Are you ready to find your purpose?
There are so many different ways for each of us to heal and expand. My path has been to engage in deep inner work including various forms of energy healing (Reiki+Synergistic Resonance), meditation and exploring intuitive messages through symbolism and patterns.
Reiki+Synergistic Resonance has many benefits, including but not limited to:
- relieves stress and anxiety;
- aids in pain relief and strengthens the immune system;
- promotes peace of mind, body and spirit;
- enhances spiritual connection and creativity;
- deeply relaxing;
- energizes and balances the mind, spirit and body;
- increases immune function;
- helps clear feelings of being stuck or blocked;
- supports the grief process;
- aids in overcoming dysfunctional patterns or excessive negative thinking;
- increases focus and energy levels.
If this piques your interest and you would like to experience the benefits of Energy Healing, I invite you to contact me to discuss Reiki+Synergistic Resonance. I would love to hear how you have overcome blocks to find purpose in your life.
May you have a day filled with love and light friends.
BSc | BEd | Reiki Master | Writer
Dawn Williams is a Reiki Master in the Usui Shiki Ryoho/Tibetan Reiki Method of Natural Healing. Her work infuses Reiki with the Resonance of Symbolism & Intuitive Story. Open the Portal of Services to discover how to plug in to your own inner magic.
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